Two Wheel Fix - Banned from Target

This was posted on my mustangforum and I had to share...

WE'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TARGET!!!

The wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and

preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most

women-she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter

from the local Target.

Dear Customer,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in

our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both

of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, are

listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. This caused the employee to

leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor

that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time

and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the

children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets

from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying

and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a

mirror while he picked his nose.

10.. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he

asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming

the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'

by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,

then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of

the clerks passed out.