Flight Crew Fun

[Phenix_Rider]

I think Rae knows someone who will get a kick from this

P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P) Test flight okay, except auto-land very rough.
S) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P) Something loose in cockpit.
S) Something tightened in cockpit.

P) Dead bugs on windshield.
S) Live bugs on back-order.

P) Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.
S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S) Evidence removed.

P) DME Volume unbelievably loud.
S) DME volume set to more believable level.

P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S) That's what friction locks are for.

P) IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P) Suspected crack in windshield.
S) Suspect your right.

P) Number three engine missing.
S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P) Aircraft handles funny.
S) Aircraft wanted to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P) Target radar hums.
S) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P) Mouse in cockpit.
S) Cat Installed

P) Noise coming from under panel. Sounds like a Midget pounding on somethingwith a hammer.
S) Took hammer away from midget.

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by Phenix_Rider

I think Rae knows someone who will get a kick from this

P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P) Test flight okay, except auto-land very rough.
S) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P) Something loose in cockpit.
S) Something tightened in cockpit.

P) Dead bugs on windshield.
S) Live bugs on back-order.

P) Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.
S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S) Evidence removed.

P) DME Volume unbelievably loud.
S) DME volume set to more believable level.

P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S) That's what friction locks are for.

P) IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P) Suspected crack in windshield.
S) Suspect your right.

P) Number three engine missing.
S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P) Aircraft handles funny.
S) Aircraft wanted to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P) Target radar hums.
S) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P) Mouse in cockpit.
S) Cat Installed

P) Noise coming from under panel. Sounds like a Midget pounding on somethingwith a hammer.
S) Took hammer away from midget.

[Mr Lefty]

aww... Rae they took your hammer?! BASTARDS!

[smileyman]

My bro was plane capt and crew chief for a USMC F18 sqaudron. He has tons of these stories.

[MikeSP1]

Yup, those sound some of the write ups I hear on an almost daily basis. Gotta love the "OFF"icial mode! Why do they give midgets hammers in the first place?

And I wish I had a dime for everytime I had a pilot draw a doodle in the write up thinking it would me. Just tell me what the fuck you saw and let me take care of the rest!!! I'll see it when I run the jet up and start working on it.

I once had a pilot somehow troubleshoot his radio while in flight (with absolutely no way of getting to any part of the radio system) and told me when he landed that the harness needed to be changed because that's what fixed it in the desert. I really wanted to tell him to fly the damn thing and let me worry about troubleshooting and fixing it.

I've got about a million similar stories. I love working on F-16s.

[the chi]

Too funny, I'll make sure he sees this. Thanks babe!

[Phenix_Rider]

Originally Posted by The Chi

Too funny, I'll make sure he sees this. Thanks babe!

Welcome

And my dad (C-130 maintainer) had one to add. He worked with an old master sergeant (old enough that he had full sleeve tattoos that were grandfathered past the regs).

The flight crew wrote up a complaint about a noise that "sounds like a dog howling in the cabin."
MSgt fixed the problem and wrote "removed dog."
Next morning, MSgt is called in front of the flight commander. Gets an earful about "mocking my flightcrew."
He says, "I thought they were yanking my chain, so I decided to play along."
Commander says "get the hell out of my office" while he's trying not to crack up.
Old MSgt was crazy enough to get away with it.

[Particle Man]

I feel safer already