Katy Perry is a Cunt

Trip · 05-22-2011, 04:04 PM

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/amp...-you-your-job/

Quote:

t's very rare for a tour rider to make an artist look good. It is, after all, the rundown of provisions a performer requires on the road, and even Mr. Rogers' list of demands might come off selfish and neurotic. But in some instances, requests on tour riders are so outlandish, so obnoxious, they become legendary. Van Halen had a rule about brown M&Ms. Axl Rose needed Wonder Bread. And Katy Perry has a line item about carnations: "ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS."

Unless coming into contact with a carnation will cause the 26-year-old singer seizures or death, Perry's specifications about the flowers in her dressing room are a little extreme. But that's nothing compared to the rules governing her drivers that came to light yesterday when a six-page excerpt of her 45-page rider hit the Smoking Gun. According to the document drawn up for her California Dreams World Tour, drivers chauffeuring Perry are not permitted to open doors, touch bags, or "stair at the backseat thru the rearvieuw mirrow" (that rule was so exciting, whoever typed it up mangled it beyond recognition). Furthermore, the driver will not start a conversation with Perry, speak to her guests or fans, ask for autographs, speak on the phone, or drive anywhere other than the left lane on highways. In total, there are 23 bullet points on the page marked "Principle Driver Policy." Perry's reps have not responded to a request for comment at press time.

While many of the requests for Perry's dressing rooms are pretty standard (tea, fresh fruit, chips and salsa), and one is even awesome (she outfits her team with Sigg water bottles to reduce waste), there is a provision in the part of the rider that addresses tickets that is particularly off-putting. On page 17, Perry's team asks for promoters to set aside seats for her "Personal Manager" to resell via secondary ticket vendors, adding Katy's crew isn't required to share any of the profits with the promoter. That means Perry's people are selling a handful of tickets directly to fans via the legendarily inflated secondary-ticket market -- the market artists like Bruce Springsteen have condemned -- and pocketing the profits. That's unflattering -- not as unflattering as the photo Perry picked for her hilarious "Last Friday Night" remix cover, but it's not a good look

I am ok with everything except the keep left on the highway line. The fucking bitch needs to be piled drived into oncoming traffic. Keep left fuckers deserve to die.

Avatard · 05-22-2011, 04:23 PM

There's reasons behind even the most obscure rider provisions, I assure you.

I know Alex, and he actually told me why the Brown M&M clause (I asked), and I can assure you, it's there for a VERY good fucking reason, and actually has exactly SHIT to do with their preference in chocolates.

Trip · 05-22-2011, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatard

There's reasons behind even the most obscure rider provisions, I assure you.

I know Alex, and he actually told me why the Brown M&M clause (I asked), and I can assure you, it's there for a VERY good fucking reason, and actually has exactly SHIT to do with their preference in chocolates.

I don't care what the reason is, left laners deserve violent deaths.

Avatard · 05-22-2011, 04:44 PM

Wanna bet she got stuck in a fucking limo with some asshole that couldn't make fucking time, and she missed a flight?

I think, given what I know about her and hubby, their schedule, and demands of their itinerary, I'd characterize that as a "hammer down" clause, personally, and I think you're misreading it. I think she wants to be in the left fucking lane to GO FAST, not hold up, nor get held up in, fucking traffic.

'Least that's how I'm reading it.

Don't open the door? That's because she may have been caught by surprise previously by someone opening the limo door before she was ready to present herself. Unprofessional, and uncool. Seems reasonable.

Don't touch the bags? Someone probably did her a "favor" and moved her bag somewhere and it got left behind, or pinched. When you're on tour, you NEED your personal effects, and replacing them while on tour can be near IMPOSSIBLE. I get it.

Don't stare at the backseat? Well, misspellings aside, the reasoning should be obvious; no one wants to be watched, and SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRIVE.

There's probably logical explanations for every fucking item.

Oddly enough, though, sometimes you just have to word things in the most convoluted way in order to make sure that your needs are actually met, which to an outsider, may sound absurd.

Trip · 05-22-2011, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatard

Wanna bet she got stuck in a fucking limo with some asshole that couldn't make fucking time, and she missed a flight?

I think, given what I know about her and hubby, their schedule, and demands of their itinerary, I'd characterize that as a "hammer down" clause, personally, and I think you're misreading it. I think she wants to be in the left fucking lane to GO FAST, not hold up fucking traffic.

'Least that's how I'm reading it.

Don't open the door? That's because she may have been caught by surprise previously by someone opening the limo door before she was ready to present herself.

Don't touch the bags? Someone probably did her a "favor" and moved her bag somewhere and it got left behind, or pinched. When you're on tour, you NEED your personal effects, and replacing them while on tour can be near IMPOSSIBLE.

Don't stare at the backseat? Well, misspellings aside, the reasoning should be obvious; no one wants to be watched, and SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRIVE.

There's probably logical explanations for every fucking item.

Theres a difference between having a "go fast" clause and "always" be in the left lane. Fuck her. She is just a fucking jester. All musicians are just fucking jesters for our entertainment. They seem to forgotten their place and we need to stop feeding their attitudes.

Avatard · 05-22-2011, 05:00 PM

There is an aspect of truth to what you say, but not all are jesters. Some (few) refuse to be, and can remain pure and honest.

My father NEVER compromised. My sister? An example of the other thing...

Trip · 05-22-2011, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatard

There is an aspect of truth to what you say, but not all are jesters. Some (few) refuse to be, and can remain pure and honest.

My father NEVER compromised. My sister? An example of the other thing...

Yeah I guess you are right about all of them not being that way, Katy is one of these though. I just have a big pet peeve about left laners though. LOL

derf · 05-22-2011, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trip

I just have a big pet peeve about left laners though. LOL

Yup that left lane thing is kinda rediculous, unless she gets a driver that will always go faster then traffic around her which would make the left lane thing cool. But its still pretty stupid in its wording

Apoc · 05-22-2011, 05:28 PM

nom nom...

Particle Man · 05-22-2011, 05:38 PM

Whatever her demands, I'd still tickle her elmo...

05-22-2011, 04:23 PM	#2
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	There's reasons behind even the most obscure rider provisions, I assure you. I know Alex, and he actually told me why the Brown M&M clause (I asked), and I can assure you, it's there for a VERY good fucking reason, and actually has exactly SHIT to do with their preference in chocolates. __________________ Insert free thought here.

05-22-2011, 04:44 PM	#4
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	Wanna bet she got stuck in a fucking limo with some asshole that couldn't make fucking time, and she missed a flight? I think, given what I know about her and hubby, their schedule, and demands of their itinerary, I'd characterize that as a "hammer down" clause, personally, and I think you're misreading it. I think she wants to be in the left fucking lane to GO FAST, not hold up, nor get held up in, fucking traffic. 'Least that's how I'm reading it. Don't open the door? That's because she may have been caught by surprise previously by someone opening the limo door before she was ready to present herself. Unprofessional, and uncool. Seems reasonable. Don't touch the bags? Someone probably did her a "favor" and moved her bag somewhere and it got left behind, or pinched. When you're on tour, you NEED your personal effects, and replacing them while on tour can be near IMPOSSIBLE. I get it. Don't stare at the backseat? Well, misspellings aside, the reasoning should be obvious; no one wants to be watched, and SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRIVE. There's probably logical explanations for every fucking item. Oddly enough, though, sometimes you just have to word things in the most convoluted way in order to make sure that your needs are actually met, which to an outsider, may sound absurd. __________________ Insert free thought here. Last edited by Avatard; 05-22-2011 at 05:15 PM..

05-22-2011, 05:00 PM	#6
Avatard Crotch Rocket Curmudgeon Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Here to integrity Moto: Li'l red baby Ninja Posts: 7,482	There is an aspect of truth to what you say, but not all are jesters. Some (few) refuse to be, and can remain pure and honest. My father NEVER compromised. My sister? An example of the other thing... __________________ Insert free thought here.

05-22-2011, 05:38 PM	#10
Particle Man Custom User Title Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Central NY Moto: 2003 SV650S Posts: 14,959	Whatever her demands, I'd still tickle her elmo...