Vasectomy.

[unknownroad]

Originally Posted by The Chi

AMEN. No offense intended Triple, but ya did kinda set a precedence by going against what you told her once already.

So if you lose one battle you have to concede on everything?

I'm also dead-set against ever having kids. I can see getting it done without telling her, but, only as a means of making sure that she doesn't engineer some kind of "accident". However, that's not the same as agreeing to try to get her pregnant while knowing you can't. That crosses a line, to me.

I had it done a couple years ago. Outpatient procedure, pretty minimal pain (but I'm a masochist, so don't take my word for it). Insurance (Blue Cross) paid for it. Couldn't drive myself home because surgery squicks me out and I self-medicated with vodka beforehand

Edit to add- I was 29 at the time. The doctor did have a form that they wanted my wife to sign, but didn't want it notarized or anything... just something to cover their asses in case I was doing what you want to do

[the chi]

So if you lose one battle you have to concede on everything?

I'm also dead-set against ever having kids. I can see getting it done without telling her, but, only as a means of making sure that she doesn't engineer some kind of "accident". However, that's not the same as agreeing to try to get her pregnant while knowing you can't. That crosses a line, to me.

I had it done a couple years ago. Outpatient procedure, pretty minimal pain (but I'm a masochist, so don't take my word for it). Insurance (Blue Cross) paid for it. Couldn't drive myself home because surgery squicks me out and I self-medicated with vodka beforehand

Nope, read a lil closer dear, I didnt say concede and give in, I stated he had set a precedence for allowing his mind to be changed which could lead her to think he might give in on this as well. Women are sneaky, and if we think we can get our way, we will try our darndest.

I wouldnt give in, but neither would I lie and possibly ruin someone elses life when a little honesty would allow us to both get what we wanted. Like a divorce, or a kid. If you seriously have to worry about your woman "manufacturing" an accident, that reeks to me of deeper and worse problems.

[unknownroad]

Originally Posted by The Chi

Nope, read a lil closer dear, I didnt say concede and give in, I stated he had set a precedence for allowing his mind to be changed which could lead her to think he might give in on this as well. problems.

I still think that's an entirely unreasonable conclusion/argument, and it's "precedent", sweetie.

[the chi]

Originally Posted by unknownroad

I still think that's an entirely unreasonable conclusion/argument, and it's "precedent", sweetie.

Thank you for correcting my spelling. Tell me how its unreasonable...he stated his intentions of not getting married. He then reneged his own statement by getting married. How does that not set a "precedent" that he can change his mind about huge, life changing decisions?

Again, Im not saying she has any right to expect he will change his mind, but he did on marriage, proving that it could be done.

So how exactly would a person not make a conclusion, based on actual evidence, as he stated himself, that he would do something he said he wouldnt?

[Apoc]

Originally Posted by The Chi

I wouldnt give in, but neither would I lie

he's not lying, one thing I can say, is that as long as i've known triple, at cf and here, he hasn't wanted children. She knew that. I'd do it first and then tell her I had it done, instead of not telling her at all, but if he's adamant, I wouldn't give her a say in the matter.

I do believe its 'for better or worse' , not just 'for better'. If she cant get over him not wanting kids, she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

[Amber Lamps]

Originally Posted by The Chi

Are you serious? Really?! Of course it affects her! How could you possibly think it doesnt, regardless of whether or not it was planned to not have children. Women are foolish enough to every day go into a marriage with the thought they can change a man, as evidenced by Triple's wife thinking perhaps she could change his mind, its not right, but it happens. And being a female, and observing those of my gender, alot of times women dont even realize that they are doing this.

However, blatantly going out and getting snipped, without first talking to your wife, your PARTNER, and lying or not being straightforward robs her of her chance to make a clean break, and go do her own thing. If he tells her, "hey, I am doing this, I will never have children with you", she either accepts it or leaves. Not telling her, and pretending to make the motions to have children and it not occurring can be crippling for those women who find it "necessary" to have kids.

I know you are all about being selfish and doing your own thing, but damn Tig, thats pretty low to even consider.

I may be "out of line" about lying to her afterward (it was a bit of guy humor, anyway) but he does not have to ask her permission to get fixed, that's bullshit. Again, she entered the marriage knowing full well that children would not be part of it. He has every right to protect himself from the schemes of females. If she has a child, whether through subterfuge or subjugation, he will be stuck with that burden for 18+ years!

Fine, he should tell her after he gets it done. I know this is not the normal "head on" approach I would normally take but we aren't talking about me. He has a hard time confronting this woman and unfortunately he may need to take matters in his own hands. It's funny to hear women take this line. It's his body and he can do whatever he wants with it. I don't seriously propose that he lie about it BUT I do propose that he do this before there is an "accident" of some sort.

You seem to have personal reasons for your view point well here's mine. I wanted children more than anything but I went and got fixed to protect my wife's life (she wouldn't use birth control). She got pregnant by someone else while I was in the shit. She never told me and I had to find out when I came home 18 months later. My wife was 7 months pregnant. I understand what you are saying and I actually believe in marriage, being honest, etc. Sometimes people don't give you a choice and you have to look out for yourself.If he tries to have a "discussion" about this, it will end up in a fight that he can't win. He will cave and have to raise a child that he doesn't want or she will leave. Quite frankly, if he felt this way about children, he should have gotten "snipped" a long time ago.

[pauldun170]

I waiting for the "Why don't you sit down and compromise" folks.



Kids are a yes\no kind of thing.

This is really a yes\no on whther Triple is going to stay married.

[the chi]

Originally Posted by Apoc

he's not lying, one thing I can say, is that as long as i've known triple, at cf and here, he hasn't wanted children. She knew that. I'd do it first and then tell her I had it done, instead of not telling her at all, but if he's adamant, I wouldn't give her a say in the matter.

I do believe its 'for better or worse' , not just 'for better'. If she cant get over him not wanting kids, she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Originally Posted by TIGGER

I may be "out of line" about lying to her afterward (it was a bit of guy humor, anyway) but he does not have to ask her permission to get fixed, that's bullshit. Again, she entered the marriage knowing full well that children would not be part of it. He has every right to protect himself from the schemes of females. If she has a child, whether through subterfuge or subjugation, he will be stuck with that burden for 18+ years!

Fine, he should tell her after he gets it done. I know this is not the normal "head on" approach I would normally take but we aren't talking about me. He has a hard time confronting this woman and unfortunately he may need to take matters in his own hands. It's funny to hear women take this line. It's his body and he can do whatever he wants with it. I don't seriously propose that he lie about it BUT I do propose that he do this before there is an "accident" of some sort.

You seem to have personal reasons for your view point well here's mine. I wanted children more than anything but I went and got fixed to protect my wife's life (she wouldn't use birth control). She got pregnant by someone else while I was in the shit. She never told me and I had to find out when I came home 18 months later. My wife was 7 months pregnant. I understand what you are saying and I actually believe in marriage, being honest, etc. Sometimes people don't give you a choice and you have to look out for yourself.If he tries to have a "discussion" about this, it will end up in a fight that he can't win. He will cave and have to raise a child that he doesn't want or she will leave. Quite frankly, if he felt this way about children, he should have gotten "snipped" a long time ago.

Jesus guys, who are you arguing against here? At one point did I say DONT GET snipped?

Read all my posts, I am all in favor or snipping but not in favor of the dishonesty many of you seem to think is ok.

This is like you guys saying a woman can go get an abortion without talking to her husband about it first. You would all be up in arms saying "how dare she make a decision like that without talking to me!" Not a one of you would agree to that reasoning now would you? Double standards are rampant apparently.

I can only thank my lucky stars I have a man who loves me and respects me enough to talk to me about major life changes that affect us both before going and doing something like this.

*edit to add - if he is weak enough to sit down with this woman and give in and have kids, against his wishes, then thats his own problem, and lying to her isnt going to change it, but make it considerably worse because he then becomes the lying cheating sack of crap when they do split up, and rightfully so. Sorry Triple, nothing personal.

FYI - Triple, if you do get snipped, and you DONT tell your wife ahead of time, she has grounds to get the marriage anulled instead of a divorce, meaning you could be left holding the stick for the debt you were talking about due to deception on your part unless you have a signed document stating she agreed to marry you and never have kids.

[HurricaneHeather]

Originally Posted by pauldun170

I waiting for the "Why don't you sit down and compromise" folks.



Kids are a yes\no kind of thing.

This is really a yes\no on whther Triple is going to stay married.

Seriously, how can any good come from this situation? Man up and leave her already.

[RACER X]

get r done
tell her
live w/ the consequences