Shennanigans

[Trip]

Originally Posted by itgirl

the longer i am married the more it feels like a business arrangement, and less like a relationship. i feel like we exchange goods and services for one another. we, too, have separate finances. i'd be totally screwed if my husband died tomorrow, because i have no idea how much he makes or owes and to whom. the only thing we really share are the kids. i guess i am becoming jaded now or something, but marriage just ain't what it used to be for me (or what i expected).

considering our nature isn't to marry but to spread the seed, this is not surprising. It pretty much is a business arrangement.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by itgirl

the longer i am married the more it feels like a business arrangement, and less like a relationship. i feel like we exchange goods and services for one another. we, too, have separate finances. i'd be totally screwed if my husband died tomorrow, because i have no idea how much he makes or owes and to whom. the only thing we really share are the kids. i guess i am becoming jaded now or something, but marriage just ain't what it used to be for me (or what i expected).

It never is..... unfortunately.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by Trip

considering our nature isn't to marry but to spread the seed, this is not surprising. It pretty much is a business arrangement.

It's interesting hearing this from you, when you're about to get married (not to mention you bought one hell of a rock for your fiancee)... I mean, do you actually believe this -- that it's pretty much a business arrangement? I just don't think you do. I think there's a bit more romance in you than you'd care to admit.

[comonboys]

Originally Posted by Rider

It never is..... unfortunately.

I must have a totally different outlook on marriage. I understand that divorce is there. However I was raised to believe that when i enter into a marriage it will be until death do us part. That I will know for sure this person is the one I am going to spend my life with. If I have any doubt in my heart at all, marriage at this time is not an option. I just think alot of people have lost that belief. I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

[Rider]

Originally Posted by comonboys

I must have a totally different outlook on marriage. I understand that divorce is there. However I was raised to believe that when i enter into a marriage it will be until death do us part. That I will know for sure this person is the one I am going to spend my life with. If I have any doubt in my heart at all, marriage at this time is not an option. I just think alot of people have lost that belief. I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

So do I, but you can't make someone or you for that matter, NOT change... Just because you love who they are NOW does not mean you are going to love who they are 10 years from now.

[itgirl]

Originally Posted by comonboys

I must have a totally different outlook on marriage. I understand that divorce is there. However I was raised to believe that when i enter into a marriage it will be until death do us part. That I will know for sure this person is the one I am going to spend my life with. If I have any doubt in my heart at all, marriage at this time is not an option. I just think alot of people have lost that belief. I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

i have that same devotion. i am in it for the long haul. however, things change after 10 years (that's how long i have been married now). you aren't the same person you used to be. the romance is gone, i suppose. all that is left is the reality.

[comonboys]

Originally Posted by itgirl

i have that same devotion. i am in it for the long haul. however, things change after 10 years. you aren't the same person you used to be. the romance is gone, i suppose. all that is left is the reality.

I guess it came out wrong. I believe that whoever I am with i will still find sexy and attractive 40 years from now.... My grandparents have been married forever and they still love each other as much as they did when they got married, even though my grandpa drives my grandma crazy every day...... It's quiet funny. That's what I was raised around and that's what I believe that I will find..... That's all i am saying. everyone is entitled to their own ways and beliefs. I just think people have lost sight of what it means to get married.

[neebelung]

Originally Posted by Rider

So do I, but you can't make someone or you for that matter, NOT change... Just because you love who they are NOW does not mean you are going to love who they are 10 years from now.

Sadly, it's all too true. All you can do is TRY, and try your hardest... but if the other party doesn't put the same effort forth, then it's not going to work.

Originally Posted by comonboys

I guess it came out wrong. I believe that whoever I am with i will still find sexy and attractive 40 years from now.... My grandparents have been married forever and they still love each other as much as they did when they got married, even though my grandpa drives my grandma crazy every day...... It's quiet funny. That's what I was raised around and that's what I believe that I will find..... That's all i am saying. everyone is entitled to their own ways and beliefs. I just think people have lost sight of what it means to get married.

You can think your partner is sexy in 40 years all you want, but if they don't RECIPROCATE those feelings, then what? Again, it takes two.

Your grandparents are still in love because they BOTH put forth the effort, which is wonderful and amazing, but RARE.

It's not that people (i.e. Rider, and ItGirl) have lost sight of what it means to be married (but maybe their partners HAVE).

[fnfalman]

Romance sucks. Love bites. Bah, humbug!

[Audiomechanic]

Originally Posted by comonboys

I guess it came out wrong. I believe that whoever I am with i will still find sexy and attractive 40 years from now.... My grandparents have been married forever and they still love each other as much as they did when they got married, even though my grandpa drives my grandma crazy every day...... It's quiet funny. That's what I was raised around and that's what I believe that I will find..... That's all i am saying. everyone is entitled to their own ways and beliefs. I just think people have lost sight of what it means to get married.

I think you're head's in the right spot, commonboys.

Not too much optimism on this board, is there? Not too much faith or hope in committment, sacrifice, and love (REAL love, not fuzzy feelings and butterflies). What happened to committed marriage? In our grandparent's day (and before), life long marriage was common place. Neebs is right, that has become rare. I blame it on many different things but failing to truly discover the core values of the person one is marrying is, in my opinion, the biggest fault. A person can change in 10 years, but core values never do. Core values can be covered up for a period of time, but they always eventually come out, and maybe that's what's happening to these relationships after a few years. I don't know, I'm not a marital counselor. I just know that people wedded for life for thousands of years before the time of the "quick divorce." That tells me that there's something they did different; something they did right. And my goal, just like commonboys, is to do the same thing by preparing now, BEFORE the wedding.