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12-09-2008, 12:22 PM
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Better Off
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Hollyweird, FL
Posts: 1,711
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One & Done Liners
A girl phoned me the other day and said.... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
One day as I came home early from work..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy.... "Hey buddy .... Why are you doing that?" He said ...."Because you came home early." It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning.... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I was born.... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father.... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...... But he pulled through. My mother had morning sickness -- after I was born. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said ... "I don't know kid .... There are so many places they can hide." My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
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12-09-2008, 12:25 PM
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#2 |
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White Trash Hero
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NW Arkansas
Moto: Buell 1125R Porco Rosso Edition
Posts: 4,895
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sounds like Rodney to me!LOL!
__________________
 Arkriders.com To be the best you must first be willing to risk the worst! |
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12-09-2008, 12:26 PM
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#3 |
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Moto GP Star
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 12,156
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Sounds like some Rodney Dangerfield material.
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12-09-2008, 01:10 PM
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#4 |
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Nomadic Tribesman
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Brampton, Canada
Moto: '09 ER-6n
Posts: 11,150
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Sounds more like Steven Wright to me. Good stuff
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12-09-2008, 01:31 PM
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#5 | |
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Better Off
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Hollyweird, FL
Posts: 1,711
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what? No one has any to add?
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12-09-2008, 05:19 PM
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#6 |
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Soul Man
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Everywhere, all the time.
Moto: '0000 Custom Turbo Cross (with jet kit).
Posts: 6,481
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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
JC
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The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me. |
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12-09-2008, 05:23 PM
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#7 |
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Custom User Title
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central NY
Moto: 2003 SV650S
Posts: 14,959
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My wife ran off and took my dog... reward for the dog.
__________________
I'm not "fat." I'm "Enlarged to show texture." Handle every stressful situation like a DOG: If you can't eat it or hump it, pi$$ on it & walk away. |
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12-09-2008, 05:41 PM
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#8 |
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Soul Man
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Everywhere, all the time.
Moto: '0000 Custom Turbo Cross (with jet kit).
Posts: 6,481
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I haven't spoken to my wife for three months.
I don't like to interrupt her. JC
__________________
The way things are going, they're gonna crucify me. |
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12-09-2008, 05:42 PM
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#9 | |
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Better Off
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Hollyweird, FL
Posts: 1,711
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12-09-2008, 05:43 PM
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#10 |
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moderator chick
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Hill Country TX
Moto: Pasta Rockets
Posts: 8,917
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I ran into my ex yesterday - then put it in reverse and drove over him again...
__________________
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"? Come Play at the Track!! http://www.elitetrackdays.com |
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