bike wreck= literal pain in the ass

[RACER X]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...ic-bottom.html

Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom'
A man whose bowel was damaged in a motorcycle crash has been given a bionic bottom

Ged Galvin, 55, now presses a remote control to open his bowels and go to the toilet.

The IT project manager from Barnsley, south Yorkshire, almost died when an off-duty police officer pulled out in front of him in her car.

Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

“It’s like a chubby little mobile phone,” he said. “You switch it on and off, just like switching on the TV.

“They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn’t bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle.”

Mr Galvin, who had previously endured the indignity of carrying a colostomy bag, added: “I thought that in these days of modern medicine surely there was something they could do. They'd mended everything else - why not this? Anything was better than a colostomy bag.

“The operation changed my life and gave me back my pride and confidence. Because of the remote control I can lead a normal life again.”

The father-of-two is resigned to having the muscles in his bionic bottom replaced every five years