Damn this waters' cold...

[askmrjesus]

Ordinarily, if I was telling this joke, the punchline would be, "And it's deep too!"

But it's not deep.

It's right near the surface.

It's also frozen. Solid. Like, Rock of Fucking Ages, solid.

Why? Because it's a hundred degrees below zero outside, (rough calculation) and the Wilderness Elves that watch over my water supply have wandered into the fog, and been devoured by Marmots.

On the other hand, it could just be that the waterline from my cistern starts out above grade, and freezes. This pisses me off to no end. My property has at least a dozen springs on it. There's "Natural Mountain Spring Water" everywhere you step.

This past Summer my yard was a tropical Hell. There was water everywhere, and nobody spoke English. Throw in some rice, a little Bamboo, and half a dozen Communists, and my backyard could have been Viet Nam.

Right now, it's Nam Kang. That's the Thai word for ice. The Goddamn pipe froze, and I've had no water one a day and a half. To make matters worse, I'm also out of ice. How fucked up is that? Ice, ice everywhere, and not a chip to sprinkle vodka over.

So, I got tired of hot vodka, and ventured up the hill with a blow torch. As we speak, I'm defrosting a pipe with fire.

Place your bets Ladies and Gentlemen...

JC