Totals from the Blueridge Bike Fest

[askmrjesus]

I've just recently returned from the Blueridge Bike Fest, in Roanoke Virginia.

I didn't want to go. It's a Harleyish nightmare of puke, but I was on business, so there I was, in the very heart of Shitsville, USA.

Here are the totals:

Category Number 1: T-Shirts

Wolves: 870
Eagles: 2330
Flames: 6424
Skulls: 2084
Rebel Flags: 4283
Flaming Wolf Skulls: 9

Category Number 2: Fat Stinky Whores

With tattoos: 1452
Without tattoos: 12
With tattoos, but without a noticeable dental plan:1066
With tattoos, without a noticeable dental plan, and wearing a patch on her vest that said "Property of Snake" : 1

You really have to give it up for Snake. So few men are willing to commit on that level.

Category Number 3: Number of bikes I would actually want to ride

Fatbobs: 0

FLXTRDLTRRXXST's: 0

Road Kings with fringe of the floor boards: 0

All other Road Kings: Still 0

Category Number 4: Drunk skinny meth-head chicks in fish net halter tops, who tried to entice me with a 16oz. can of Bud Light at 10:30 Sunday morning: 1

Category Number 5: Fat people

Hard to get a total on this one, let's just go with: Most I've ever seen outside of a Wal-Mart.

Category Number 6: Number of times during the weekend, I wished I were trapped in a coal mine: 84

Category Number 7: Number of people who looked they just got rescued from a coal mine: 6523

And there you have it. The Blueridge Bike Fest (teeth optional).

JC